Rosary Reflections: The Visitation

It's only day two and I'm wondering why in the world I would proclaim to the world wide web that  I was going to challenge myself to write meditations every. single. day. in October (even if it is only for half of the month?!) I'm starting to see a trend in my life ... I oftentimes get a little ahead of myself. My enthusiasm and gusto in the moment seems to trump my ability to think rationally and clearly. I'm pretty sure I've overestimated my time management skills, as well as my writing stamina. Never the less, here I go with day two... 

The Visitation has always been a favorite mystery of mine. As human beings we're all innately relational creatures to a certain extent. I think most women (and men) would agree that women, in general, tend to hold friendships as a much higher priority in life. Most women, even if they're introverted, crave the support, camaraderie, and joy that friendship offers us. Ever since I was a child I've always valued my friendships, but even more so once I had kids. Once I had kids, my girlfriends became my lifeline. A lifeline that I needed for advice, encouragement, laughs, and sometimes a brief break from the monotony of motherhood.  

It's not hard to imagine the excitement of Mary and Elizabeth as they embraced each other and John the Baptist leapt in Elizabeth's womb. We can all think back on times when we were able to finally hug a friend that we hadn't seen in a long time, or when we were able to celebrate a major life event with a friend. The joy and the giddiness in those moments are as refreshing as they are therapeutic. Quite frankly, just meeting girlfriends out for dinner during a particularly grueling week is  nourishing to the soul (and the sanity!) 

God created each and everyone of us in His image and likeness. There is no more relational being in the universe than God. God is love, and love is relational, and because of this we are called to be part of that community of love. Thus, the two most important commandments are to love God with your whole heart, and secondly, to love your neighbor. From of all this, I think it's safe to surmise that friendship is a gift from God, and one that nourishes our souls. 

If God gives us the gift of friendship and we're called as believers to be in communion with Him, and with others, then we best tend to those friendships. Life can get hectic and it's oftentimes easy to get overwhelmed by the busyness of our own lives, but we cannot allow ourselves to neglect these important relationships. God uses all of us at certain points as messengers, inspiration, and comfort for one another. You never know how God might use you to help someone else on their journey through life.

Let's challenge ourselves to reach-out to one friend everyday (even if it's the same friend) by calling, sending a card, or texting to let them know that we've said a prayer for them. We might never know the impact that small action might have on that person's day. It's also a great way to get out of our own heads and households. And besides, If Mary could travel while pretty darn pregnant on a donkey for days on end to help Elizabeth, I think we can manage this easy task, don't you? 

Rosary Reflections: The Annunciation

Since October is the month of the Holy Rosary I wanted to challenge myself to journal my daily rosary reflections. In typical fashion, I'm starting this project a little late in the game as it's already the 17th. I figure it's better late than never, so here I go. Please pray for me that I'll have the discipline to keep with it. I would also LOVE to hear feedback from you all on your interpretations and, or revelations while praying the Rosary.

I've always found it perplexing that the first "Joyful Mystery" of the Holy Rosary reminds us of the moment that the Virgin Mary learned that she was with child. Of course, from our vantage point 2,000 plus years later, we can celebrate this proclamation because we have seen how God's grand-plan unfolded. However, from the perspective of Mary at that moment, it might have been more aptly labelled "The First Terrifying Mystery of the Holy Rosary." Imagine the distress this type of announcement could cause, even to a girl born without original sin? She did have one advantage over most of us though - she didn't have to guess what was going on with her body. She had an angel deliver the news.

Most of us don’t have an angel that announces God’s plans for us. Sometimes we’re blindsided by unexpected events that crash into us in an instant, and sometimes our crosses come to us as a slow, steady drip that seems to go on forever. Either way, when life happens, we’re all called to say, “yes” to God’s will, just the same as Mary. 

When the angel Gabriel announced that Mary was with child, and not just any child but, the son of God, one could guess her immediate response wasn’t one of jubilation. One could even imagine that after this miraculous news set-in, she may have felt overwhelmed, uncertain, and downright scared. Mary was, after all, human. As fellow mothers, we sometimes fail to remember and recognize the trials that our Blessed Mother endured here on earth. So, when we’re faced with uncertainty, tragedy, exhaustion, loss, and we’re feeling hopeless, we need to remember that we are not alone. We have a mother in heaven that loves us, and wants to help us, more than we could ever comprehend. 

Mary understands our pain and empathizes with our suffering because she too experienced profound loss and grief. However, unlike most of us, her trust in God was, and always be, unwavering. So, when we’ve experienced an unexpected pregnancy, a financial crisis, a marital meltdown, the loss of a loved one, kids that have gone astray, or we’re just plain tired and depleted, lets ask our Blessed Mother to protect us in her motherly mantel. We need to implore her to teach us how to trust with our whole soul, to make-up for what we are lacking in faith, and to lead us to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Once we do this graces will start pour down from heaven.

And remember, what at first seems like a burden, may in time turn out to be an unexpected blessing. No matter what, in the end "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Let our new mantra be: 

”Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it done to me according to thy word." Luke 1:38

my guardian angel's secret weapon

Today was one of those mornings ... that you just c.a.n.n.o.t. get out of bed. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and last night when my son woke me up at 3 a.m., I just knew that it was going to be a long night, and a doozy of a morning. After I settled him back into bed I was wide awake, so I decide to read one of my many religious books that I've been neglecting (instead opting to peruse Facebook on my phone at night when I can't sleep - ugh.). As I finally trotted back off to bed I remembered that I had planned on getting up for morning Mass - double ugh. I thought to myself, "God will understand. This mama needs sleep in order to be decent human being tomorrow." 

I hadn't remembered that I had set my alarm, so when my alarm jolted me awake a mere two hours later I was completely confused and delirious (and resolute in my stance on sleeping.) I turned it off and rolled over to snuggling-in for a major sleep-in. I hadn't quite fallen back to sleep again when I heard a faint scratching at the door. Immediately realizing that it was my sweet, albeit persistent, dog, Guthrie, I stood firm on my stance of not getting out of bed. No one was getting this girl out of bed!

No sooner had I closed my eyes, then I heard the door open, and then felt a thump and four paws land next to me on my warm, cozy bed. I opened my eyes to see my 14 year old, amazing fur-ball of love staring at me. At that exact moment I remembered that the night before I had prayed to my guardian angel and asked him to make sure that I made it to Mass the next morning. I literally told him to throw me out of bed if necessary because I had decided to start going to Mass on Tuesday mornings specifically, so that I could pray the Sorrowful Mother Devotion afterwards with a group. Realizing this amazing gift for what it was, and marveling at how ingenious my guardian angel is, I jumped out of bed just in time to make Mass. 

During Mass I reflected on how awesome God is, and how He is always extending His merciful and loving hand to try and help us. It dawned on me that there are so many times every day that God is throwing me a life-preserver and providing resources to help me navigate my life, but they go unnoticed (or unused!) I so often forget about the "heavenly helpers" He has generously offered to me in the saints and especially, my guardian angel.

I've been struggling lately with discipline and I've been praying ardently to the Holy Spirit to help me be more disciplined in not only my spiritual life, but my physical one as well. Today, I realized that God has provided me with the perfect solution - my guardian angel. I've decided today to really make the effort to get to know him and ask him to help me. I feel so much more confident knowing that I have my own personal "boot camp drill sergeant" to help keep me in-line and on-track, along with his trusty side-kick, Guthrie. 

a little help from our friends →

I could never have imagined the events that were soon to unfold around me, the last time I sat down to blog, but God sure did. And, because He's awesome, he had already started preparing my heart for the heartache that was soon to hit. When I wrote my last post, I had no idea that it would be a foreshadowing, and would ultimately prove to be a profound testimony to the importance of "faith friends" and how much we need them in our lives. After witnessing a close friend lose her precious child right before her due date, the words that God inspired me to write couldn't ring more true:

It was truly amazing and heartwarming to see the support of so many "faith friends" lifting this beautiful family up in prayer, word, hugs, gifts, tears, and meals ... many, many, many meals. Because my friend surrounded herself with these friends and cultivated these friendships, she knows first-hand how crucial it is having that support system, especially in the darkest hours and days of our lives.  It seems unfathomable to experience such grief without the help of these friends because tragedy and the trials of our lives are inherently faith-based. Even for those who don't practice a faith, it's usually adversity that brings us to our knees... and we start praying. 

When you have faith friends you have deep friendships that are based on serving God and each other, not on convenience. Only God can fill the void in our hearts and only Jesus can offer peace that transcends human understanding, but our friends offer the necessary comfort and grace through their prayers, that help us grow in our faith during these times. Ultimately, with God and our friends by our sides we can overcome any obstacle, heartache, and trial that comes our way without falling victim to utter despair.

 Perhaps we can even thrive through the pain, and harness the redemptive power of our suffering, so that we can grow in our trust in God's merciful love? I've consistently witnessed in my own life, and especially recently with my friend, that when you offer up your suffering and trust in Him, he will shower you with miracles and affirmations, and sometimes even in form of roses... More on that later. 

Stay strong mamas and find a tribe of good faith friends. 

the struggle is real

After countless conversations over the last couple of days I have determined that the summer struggle is real. Every single mom friend I've talked to has complained (including myself), about the constant battle against bickering. Even friends that have one child have laughed saying that their child won't stop bickering with them! 

But on a more serious note, after a talk with a friend tonight, I was reminded that the mom struggle is real for everyone all throughout the year - and it can be debilitating. Every mom has, and will, experience periods of grief, a trial that tests the limits of their humanity, a heartache, a tragedy... the list is endless. That's why it's so important to find a tribe of "mom faith friends" and fellow prayer warriors. You just cannot do this "mom-thing" alone.

Jesus calls us into community for a reason. No (WO)man is an island, especially when she has a brood of crazy, yet lovable, little people in her care 24/7. The foundation of our happiness relies on whether our relationships with God and each other are thriving. God places these special women in our lives to bring us hope, peace, and ultimately closer to Him. It's a win-win situation, so make these friendships a priority. 

On a final note, once I was thinking about all of the different struggles and trials my friends and I have faced, or are currently experiencing, I realized that the root of anxiety for every cross that we bear is lack of trust. Whether we've bore the cross of death (of a loved one, or a dream), disease, financial disaster, or unexpected hiccups along the way, it all comes down to trust. No matter how close a relationship we have with Jesus we all have to continually (and intentionally) practice the art of trust, which leads me to another song I find myself frequently blaring from my car's sound system...

Do you have any songs that just make your heart sing? This one is mine, and even when I'm having a hard time trusting in God's plans for me I belt this song out and by the end of the song I find myself feeling much better. I hope this can help you too when you feel lost, exhausted, uncertain, anxious, desperate, pissed, hopeless, hopeful, joyful, happy, well just about anytime. 😊

my summer theme song

Summer is almost here ... at exactly 12:00 noon today to be exact. Most of me is thrilled not to have a rigid schedule, to be able to hang with my little people, and to embark on spontaneous adventures. I have to admit though, I'm also a bit nervous and overwhelmed trying to figure-out how I'm going to get my day-to-day chores done, work, and keep the kid's from bickering and whining to the point that I pull all of my hair out. You would think that I've never done this before!

Months back I had dreams of developing a full Pinterest-inspired summer game plan complete with chore charts, positive reinforcement plans, crafts, science projects, a summer lesson plan ... the works. Ok, I knew I wasn't going to do all of that - a girl can dream right? For the record, I have ZERO of that accomplished. I do have however, a a theme song for this summer.  It's going to be my "Mom Anthem" and when I want to cry, pull my hair out, or hide under my bed I'm going to sing it loud and proud. Perhaps you've heard before in that movie called "Trolls"? I can seriously envision myself singing this with my hair all wild and with a crazed look on my face...

I mean take a look at the chorus...

I'm not giving up today
There's nothing getting in my way
And if you knock knock me over
I will get back up again
If something goes a little wrong
Well you can go ahead and bring it on
Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again
Oh oh oh, get back up again
 

mother's day musings: unrealistic expectations

I had been meaning to write a post on motherhood in honor of Mother's Day and somehow life got the best of me. The good news is that we have every reason to celebrate mothers each and every day, so in a way, the subject is still relative, right? Also, I just have to get this off my chest and maybe this will help some of us prepare ourselves for next year...

I have to wonder, does anyone else feel let down, disappointed, or upset at the end of the day on Mother's Day? I'm not talking about women who are suffering through fertility issues, pregnancy loss, or the loss of a mother. I'm talking about moms who have children, and are even blessed to be able to celebrate with their own mothers too. It sounds petty and selfish that a mom like me would feel any of those grievances, but I have to admit, there have been many years that I've been reduced to tears. 

I've always considered myself to be flexible, laid-back, and low-maintenance (I'll have to ask my husband if he confers??). I should also state that I have an awesome husband who is very supportive and loving. So why then do I find my undies all in a bunch on Mother's Day? I think it comes down to these two things: first, I expect my husband to think and act like a woman, and second, I need to work on the virtue of humility. The thing is, I don't expect grand gestures of appreciation or major gifts, but I do go into Mother's Day expecting my husband to read my mind, and be overly thoughtful and attentive. This expectation is probably the foundation of my problem. 

I have found that things usually go downhill immediately upon my waking-up. Perhaps it's when I realize that my husband hasn't planned anything for breakfast and like every other day, I'm cooking and slaving away in the kitchen. (Ok, that's not totally true, but it would be nice not to have to pour cereal for everyone!) Actually, now that I think about it, the whole tone of the day would change If he just got doughnuts and the family ate a messy breakfast in bed. I think I'll have to discuss this idea with him before next year...

Anyway, back to my grievance regarding Mother's Day morning(s). This year was the perfect case-in-point; after getting out of bed last Sunday I walked into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee at the Keurig. Upon arriving at the Keurig I found a coffee cup (my favorite coffee cup from Augustine Institute!) already filled with coffee. Before the thought even hit me that my husband might have thoughtfully made a cup of coffee for the special lady of the day, he swooped-in ... grabbed the cup ... and walked away. What just happened?!  I couldn't help myself - my cheeks flushed red and my resentment of my husband's lack of thoughtfulness exasperated me. I, of course, turned to him and expressed my extreme disappointment while he looked at me bewildered. Then he offered me the cup that he had already slurped out of. Can you believe the indignity??? 

Just after this awful episode of injustice I found myself talking to Mary in the shower. I couldn't stand the thought of spending the entire day feeling unappreciated and disappointed. That's when she spoke to my heart and I realized in an instant that my husband wasn't the problem, I was the problem. I instantly remembered that Jesus teaches us to rely solely on God because despite their best intentions, people (including husbands) will fail us despite their best intentions. I had been expecting my husband to celebrate motherhood (and embarrassingly enough to admit, me) exactly as I would celebrate motherhood. At that moment I knew I needed a huge dose of humility, so that I could be thankful and appreciate the way he tried to make me feel special. 

In the shower that morning I prayed one of the most simple, yet one of the most efficacious prayers I've ever prayed. Based on the Miraculous Medal message where we're encouraged to ask for the graces that people have forgotten to ask for, I asked for our Blessed Mother for the grace of humility. I even took it a step further ... I asked her if I could borrow her humility for the day. I figured go big, or go home. I needed all the help I could get. And let me tell you, it worked. For the rest of the day I don't remember feeling anything other than gratitude and joy. 

Now all I have to do is work on this virtue for next year. Wish me luck! 

an embarrassing confession...

I have something embarrassing to admit... and I probably shouldn't share this on the Internet because I may come across as a bit unstable (OK, crazy), but I can't help myself. It's just too funny not to share...

Before I dive into my own ridiculousness, I should preface this story by explaining that I've been undeservedly blessed on numerous occasions with sensory affirmations that our Blessed Mother is near. It started when I went on a pilgrimage almost three years ago in Medjugorje. While I was there I was overcome with the sweet (and overwhelming) smell of roses. I later found-out that this phenomenon was known to be a  "sign" that Mary was present. Since then I have experienced that supernatural sweet smell on numerous occasions, which leads me to yesterday...

Yesterday was a typical Thursday with the exception that my son was home sick. In the morning I dropped my daughter off at school and then ran a few errands. Like most days, I prayed a rosary in my car while running around. After I got home I noticed that I kept smelling roses everywhere I went?! I looked around for the source of the smell and even smelled my hands thinking that my rose petal rosary must have rubbed-off on my hands, but I couldn't figure it out. Finally I called my son to come over and tell me if he smelled anything in particular.

I didn't want to tell him exactly what I was smelling, so that I would know if he was authentically smelling the roses too. He said he didn't smell anything, so I told him that I kept smelling roses randomly and that I thought maybe our Blessed Mother was following me around the house. He was indignant at the thought they he would not be included in this blessing, which we both had a good laugh about. I admitted that I was a little perplexed only because usually this gift lasted for a few short minutes at a special spiritual moment. Despite being confused I decided to stop trying to figuring-out why, and just enjoy this grace. 

Kai and I went about our morning and I kept getting these sweet reminders. Then sometime around lunch I decided to change clothes, and as I was lifting my shirt over my head I got a really strong smell of roses in my face. At that moment I realized that the "sweet smell of Mary" was actually my DEODORANT!!! I had totally forgotten that I had used my random, "back-up" deodorant when I ran out of my normal stuff.  Hilarious. I am such a knucklehead. 

At least Kai was super relieved that Mary had not excluded him from this great gift that she was bestowing upon his mother. 😂 If I could only have seen our Blessed Mother chuckling to herself while watching me. Oh and my poor guardian angel - boy does he have his hands full ...

Just in case you want a cheap deodorant that smells like roses ... not shower fresh as advertised!

the vocation of motherhood - a pathway to holiness

Holy week is an intense week. Just think, between Holy Thursday and Easter Sunday the priesthood was founded, the Holy Eucharist was established, Jesus taught us the basis of the Gospels, and He fulfilled the new covenant through His Passion. That is a heavy load to contemplate! Maybe that's why I never feel like I've prayed and sacrificed enough? It seems impossible to pay tribute and respect to such profound love, suffering, and commitment to the human race. Which brings me to a reoccurring theme in my life ... my unrealistic expectations for myself and consequently my feeling of failure.

For some reason I spent a lot of time thinking about Jesus washing the disciples' feet this week.  Perhaps that because I've been doing A LOT of washing my daughter's feet - pretty much every day Monday through Friday. The sweet girl insists on wearing her "jellies" to preschool and by the time she gets home she has a pound of bark mulch and sand that pour out on the ground to reveal her black-as-night feet. It dawned on me that as mothers, we're so blessed to have been given this vocation. That we have to remind ourselves, and each other, that being a mom is a religious vocation and an important one. Through this beautiful sacrament we are given the inherent gift of servanthood. Yes .. we are blessed to have the opportunity every minute of every day to serve our husbands and the little people running around our houses. 

In a way, because of our role as "mom" we are forced to love others the way Christ commanded us to love. Most of the time we don't even realize our simple acts of love; sometimes we're acutely aware of our sacrifices. We wash feet, butts, and little hands. Motherhood is a pathway to holiness - every day we say "yes" to selflessly putting other people's needs before our own and to loving without parameters. 

And, because of the enormity of our vocation and the sheer amount of energy it requires to feed, bathe, teach, console, and just plain keep alive these precious souls, we need to give ourselves a break. We need to love ourselves and applaud our intentions as we do for those in our care. So when you are running late getting out the door to go to the "Stations of the Cross" on Good Friday and you notice that you have feet with two drastically different colors of nail polish on each foot, wear the sandals and run with it. You're doing the best you can. 

beauty in the betrayal

I have found that each year that I grow older, ahem ... more mature, the more I anticipate Holy Week with a sense of excitement. I know that sounds totally bizarre, if not a little morose. In all honesty, I’ve struggled most of my life with contemplating the Passion of Jesus and His suffering. It’s something I’ve avoided most of my adult life. However, the deeper I grow in my faith, the more I realize its inevitable and that wall around my heart starts to crumble. Every Lent I realize just how much growth in my relationship with Jesus comes at the foot of His crucifixion. That fills my heart with great joy and gives me the courage to face His agony and heart-wrenching suffering. 

Wednesday of Holy Week is such a profound way to prepare our hearts for the Triduum. It forces us to contemplate our own transgressions and betrayal of Jesus in our every day life through the betrayal of Judas. If we take a deeper look at the character of Judas, we’ll see a broken, worldly, and fearful man. Like it or not, we’re all broken, worldly, and fearful at times in our lives. During our dark moments we too betray Jesus through sin; through lack of trust, spreading gossip, judgement, criticizing others, etc. It’s a hard thing to admit, but we all have Judas in us. 

Before you despair and start beating yourself up, consider the real beauty in the betrayal: Jesus’ complete forgiveness of Judas (along with all of the others that condemned Him). This is the message to contemplate before Jesus’ passion begins tomorrow. First, start-off by forgiving yourself. It’s harder forgive others if you’re not willing to forgive yourself. I personally struggle with this one, and I’m a prize fighter in the ring with myself. Also, If you haven’t been to confession during Lent make every effort to go, today. The sacrament of Reconciliation will set your heart free to start forgiving others as Jesus has forgiven you…

Everyone has someone to forgive. There is a lot of hurt in this world. The good news is that forgiveness will set you free and has the power to heal. To heal broken hearts and broken souls. Forgiveness is a process and takes time, perseverance, and above all God’s grace. Take the first step and ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart and to begin to transform it. If you ask Jesus to help you forgive as He did and still does, your prayer will be answered. It may happen in an instant, but more than likely it will take time. Little by little you will see your heart softening until one day it just doesn’t hurt anymore. Your heart will be made whole again and you’ll be able to love and live more fully.

Shine on.

curing modern day mom anxiety

Have you ever sat down to pray, like really pray in earnest, only to feel even more anxious than when you started? I have been there and done that. It seems that this type of situation arises when my life, or some aspect of it, feels like it's spiraling out-of-control. I think that in my desperation I turn my prayer time into begging, and I find myself offering God different solutions and options to deliver me from that particular suffering. Isn't that a GREAT idea - I obviously know way more than God does about what's best for me?!

In retrospect, I wasn't actually praying at all. I was having a nervous breakdown AT God. All that I had accomplished was sitting in the presence of my own problems ... and then exacerbating those problems with fear and panic. The good news is that there is a solution. It's easy and it's called Eucharistic Adoration. If you don't have it at your church, find a church near you. Don't walk, but run to the nearest Adoration chapel. Then, when you get there, take a deep breath, say "hi" to Jesus, and sit with him in silence. Let His peace fill you and bask in the rays of His love. I promise you, you will be transformed. And don't be discouraged if, like me, it's hard to stop yourself from rambling about your problems to Jesus. He will appreciate that you're there and that you're trying. Just keep trying and you'll find that whatever you are suffering through won't seem so horrible if you let Jesus help you carry your cross.

where there's a will ...

When I was younger I truly believed in the adage, "where there's a will, there's a way." I was young and full of hope. I had been told time and again that "you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it." As I grew older (and the reality of life set-in) my faith in that motto seemed to fade to the point of disillusionment. The once hopeful phrase became a slogan filled with false promises and disappointment. But then one day recently, I contemplated it through the eyes of faith, and in an instant I saw the beauty of this statement clearly. I realized that it was a true and worthy personal motto - IF it included one additional (and very important word) ... GOD. If God wills it for your life (whatever it may be) there is a way. All you have to do is pray for discernment and say "yes" to HIS plan. I'm fairly confident that God's plans for our lives are far more awesome than any plans we could put together ourselves, at least for me personally...

embrace each other

the brown sugar swirl bread and La Croix water fast

I thought I would give an update on my Wednesday and Friday Lent fasting resolution. Mainly for the purpose of encouraging you to just keep on "trucking along" no matter how many times you've failed. You're in good company with me! For instance, I'm supposed to be fasting on bread and water on just two days each week. I had envisioned myself piously eating one piece of crusty-looking bread for each meal with tap water. However, the reality of my fast is brown sugar swirl bread and "fizzy water" when I can't chug down one more gulp of boring water (oh AND  a regular meal at dinner, because if I don't eat something else at dinner, my family might disown me)...

I have to admit, "real" fasting on bread and water is SO MUCH HARDER for me than I thought it would be. I'm still waiting for my LivetheFast starter kit, so I'm hoping that it will work miracles - ha ha. In the meantime, I'm going to just keep praying for God's grace and hoping that Jesus appreciates my feeble attempts. 

when God talks to you through your radio

Do you ever feel like God is talking to you through the radio? Maybe it’s a song that answers a question you’ve been seeking an answer to, or maybe its God’s subtle message of hope and peace that you needed so desperately at that moment. Perhaps, God nudges you through a Catholic radio program on Relevant Radio reminding you that there’s a reason that the topic of “fasting” keeps being brought-up in your presence??  

That’s what I love about God, He just keeps after us until we get it. He never tires in seeking a deeper relationship with us. I feel like I’m going to need to apologize profusely when I get to the pearly gates for making Him work so hard. I'm just so dense sometimes! What can I say? He made me this way, right? 😁

Remember when I said, “So here I am, not convinced that giving-up alcohol, sweets, gluten and any form of culinary delight will lead me any closer to Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I know that fasting is good for the soul and it is necessary in our prayer lives, but I feel like I’m missing something major …” Yeah, hilarious - apparently I missed God's nudges and requests. In retrospect, I really should have known that I was being called to learn more about fasting and incorporate it into my prayer life because I had had that inner voice pushing me in that direction for quite awhile. In the end, I think what happened is that … I TOTALLY WUSSED OUT!!! 

I admit it. God was asking me to step-up my prayer life to include fasting, and Drew Mariani on "Relevant Radio" reminded me of that. Speaking of which, if you haven’t checked-out "Relevant Radio," please do yourself the favor. In Florida we have to listen via the Internet (or app). Here’s the link: www.relevantradio.com. On Drew’s program he discussed the miraculous power of prayer when combined with fasting. There was a guest on the show, Andrew LaVallee, who founded LIVEtheFAST, which is a non-profit that inspires, encourages and supports those of us attempting to fast (and not pass-out) while trying to achieve this virtue. You can listen to the segment below if you're interested:

The segment was truly eye-opening and was the push I needed to refocus my lent “game-plan” to focus on fasting more than I had planned to.  I have already bought my Live the Fast Starter Kit.  Check-out www.LIVEtheFAST.org to learn more about the benefits (both spiritual and health-wise), scriptural support of fasting, Marian messages that implore us to fast, and much more. If anyone would like to join me on this journey, I’ll be attempting to fast on both Wednesdays and Fridays every week. Maybe we could check-on each other for moral support? Historically I have not been very good not eating, but by God's grace, I'm sure I'll live and hopefully become a little closer to the woman that God is calling me to be.

meet Jesus at the foot of the cross

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LIVING Lent

It is now officially one week into Lent and I’m proud to say I have my official “game plan” for Lent worked-out. Some may view my feeling of accomplishment as a bit of joke, because I clearly missed the mark on deciding what to do before Lent starts. However, at this stage of my life, I have acknowledged that I have to work with who I am, and well, I’m just embracing that I have a plan at all!

Before I reveal this hugely profound plan (wink, wink) I want to throw-out a disclaimer. My personal goals and focus for Lent are based on where I’m at in life and my faith journey at this moment. There are hundreds of different ways to approach Lent, so by no means do I mean to discredit penance, sacrifice, and giving-up chocolate. I will be doing a little bit of all of those things, it’s just not my focus right now. The reason is because my family has faced some pretty rough financial trials in the last couple of years that have forced us to sacrifice a good amount of material goods and comforts. I honestly don’t even think we could find 40 things to donate for the 40 days of Lent at this point. And trust me, I’m not complaining about that! After all, I had been praying to simplify my life and become detached from material goods. Now we’re living with my parents and I’m sharing a closet that is a fraction of our walk-in. God is so good at answering prayers, isn’t he??? 

All joking aside, this year I’ve decided to spend Lent focusing on deepening my understanding of God’s love and mercy by spending time at the foot of the cross. I’ve been praying for years to the Holy Spirit and our Blessed Mother to help deepen my relationship with Jesus, and to come to a greater understanding of who He truly IS. I always felt that I was missing something in my prayer life; that I didn’t know Jesus well enough, like His personality and His heart. Through prayer and a few miraculous experiences in Adoration I feel that I’m being called to immerse myself in His Passion, but specifically by attempting to, as Saint Mother Teresa, would say, “Quench His thirst”. You may be thinking, “Duh, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do anyway during Lent?” And I would say, absolutely, that’s why I’m taking it a step further. 

Not only am I taking Lent as an opportunity to get to know Jesus in a deeper way through His passion, console Him at the foot of the cross, but I’m going to incorporate the three components of prayer, fasting, and alms to do achieve my Lenten promises. In order to console His sacred heart through prayer, I plan to spend time with Him in Adoration every week and also contemplate His suffering and great love for us through reading and praying the Stations of the Cross. I’m also going to fast and give alms by being intentional about using fasting as a prayer for the conversion of souls in my family. Lastly, I’m going to engage my family in almsgiving as a way to serve our neighbors, the poor, and the lonely. After all, when we serve others we are in fact serving Jesus. Clearly, that consoles Him. And because I’m a huge dork, I’ve created a chart that I can continually reference to make sure that I’m staying on track. Feel free to use it if you have a similar focus. 

In the end, like Saint Therese “The Little Flower,” I have come to recognize my “littleness” and inability to master mortification. I also realize that I’m going to keep falling short if I keep setting lofty penance and fasting resolutions for myself during Lent. Jesus will meet me where I am and will turn it into something beautiful. In the diary of Saint Faustina in her entry 1617, she recorded that Jesus told her “Because you are a child you shall remain close to my heart. Your simplicity is more pleasing to me than your mortifications.” And that, is consoling to my heart.

let's keep it real, moms

One Holy Zit

Yesterday at Mass at my son's school I was marveling at the different crosses everyone was receiving on their foreheads, especially those getting ashes from our very sweet (and apparently enthusiastic) priest. You know, those ashes referred to as "Father's Revenge", where the cross spans the entire forehead, and for those poor bald guys, most of the top of their heads? In all honesty, I couldn't help but giggle. That takes owning your ashes to a whole new level. Then it dawned on me...

Those guys are LUCKY and I should have been the first in Father's line. The thought entered my mind that the bigger the cross on my forehead, the more distracted people would be and they may not even notice the GINORMOUS zit on my chin! It would have been an ingenious plan, had I thought of it earlier. That being said, I was still feeling pretty lucky that I had any distraction away from the monstrosity on my chin. Being Catholic has a lot of advantages, even non-spiritual ones. 

second-guessing my Lent game plan...

It’s the Eve of Ash Wednesday and I admit... I still have no idea what I should “give-up” or “do-better” this Lent. In years past I’ve tried to give-up one major thing (usually in the form of sugar since I’m addicted to it) and I would also try to do one thing “better” or “more” for Jesus. For some reason, “getting it right”, this particular Lent seems extra important to me. Perhaps it’s because I’m at a crux in my life and need divine guidance and direction on major life decisions that part of me feels like “desperate times call for desperate measures”. I was actually considering fasting like one of the “super saints” this Lent (because I so clearly will be able to do that?!).  I mean doesn’t fasting lead to a clear and concise mind, body, and spirit? I need a huge dose of that about now. And, isn’t fasting one of the most fruitful forms of prayer a person can accomplish? Then I came to my senses and realized that I’m setting myself up for failure, and more importantly, no one is going to want to be anywhere near me for the next 40 days. Lent could possibly become a form of torture for my family and friends. Now I’m sure Jesus does not want that!

So here I am, not convinced that giving-up alcohol, sweets, gluten and any form of culinary delight will deepen my relationship with Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I know that fasting is good for the soul and it is necessary in our prayer lives, but I feel like I’m missing something major … like the whole point of Lent. I keep contemplating the ideas of “prayer, fasting, and alms-giving” and I cannot help but think that there’s more to Lent than being disciplined and battling your own personal willpower.

What I’m wondering is, was my previous approach to Lent too “me-focused” than “Jesus-focused”? It seems like all of these sacrifices become all about what I have done. Somehow Lent becomes all about me and what I can do, instead of becoming closer in my relationship with Jesus. I’m thinking that instead of focusing solely on sacrifice, maybe I should instead focus on consoling His sacred heart during Lent? 

Is it possible that what Jesus so desperately yearns for is for us to simply stand lovingly and longingly at the foot of the Cross with our Blessed Mother, Mary, and His beloved disciple, John? One of His last pronouncements from the cross was “I thirst” and He wasn’t talking about water.

“At this most difficult time He proclaimed, 'I thirst.' And people thought He was thirsty in an ordinary way and they gave Him vinegar straight away; but it was not for that thirst; it was for our love, our affection, that intimate attachment to Him, and that sharing of His passion.  He used, 'I thirst,' instead of 'Give Me your love'. . . 'I thirst.' Let us hear Him saying it to me and saying it to you.” - Mother Teresa

Jesus’ plea was so profound that Mother Teresa made it her life’s mission and goal to “quench Jesus’ thirst”. I’m now wondering if what it means to quench His thirst, is to console his heart through love and adoration? 

So, if Jesus is calling me to console His Sacred Heart, how will I do this? How will I put this into action during Lent? Stay tuned. I’m hoping to figure this out rather quickly… 

On a side note, I've been stuffing my face with every piece of candy and chocolate I can find in preparation for Ash Wednesday. I've literally thought Ash Wednesday was the last TWO Wednesdays. I have no excuse for my inability to look at a calendar... 

And I'm sorry, this one is just too funny not to share...